A morning, year, and lifetime to never forget
Mar 16, 2010 23:33 Filed in: Life
I went to bed "early" last night since I had to get
up early for an all-day conference on writing. It was
1am when the radio and alarm was set and I konked
out.
I awoke at 6am to nature's call, went back to bed and couldn't fall back asleep. Lots of items in my mind, couldn't fully relax. I heard sounds from my house - whether from the furnace, cats prepping themselves for a surprise early wake-up from Kaleb, or the house creaking from thoughts of winter being over. Later I was startled by the sounds again and the thought of it being Grandma's spirit coming by kept my imagination going. I imagined her being there and felt at peace though I didn't believe she was dead as I was going to see her later that day after work. I had made plans to go the next day, but after warnings from my uncle, I was going to leave right after the conference ended at 3:30pm. After dwelling on thoughts of her impending funeral, being with my family, and grandpa, I faded a bit for a while and then awoke for my 7am alarm.
I made it to the conference on time with my head somewhat cloudy but I was excited about gaining skills to improve my writing (or lack of it). After an hour or so I noticed a couple messages on my phone from my mother. I had no signal in the classroom, but I did have Internet access. A few minutes later I got the email from my mother stating that Grandma died in her sleep this morning. I won't be visiting her after work today after all...
I have only begun to grieve for Grandma Michaud. She was always Grandma to me, but Mom, Dorothy and Dot to others. Very strong-willed, outspoken, yet kind, loving and fun. I last saw her 2 weeks ago as I went a week after her birthday to check in with her. She was very tired. She fell asleep at the dining table twice while I was there. Her face had mostly healed from the large “raccoon” bruise from the holidays, but everything was clearly much more difficult to do.
I had sent a long email to her that she had never received and ended up covering the main parts of it with her in person. I first asked how her 5 boys came out so similar and so different. She paused and just shrugged; then she said “I just let them do what they wanted to do”, referring to their life choices after high school, I inferred. Then I thanked her for doing and being so much in my life. As I wrote in my email:
“The other thing I was thinking about was how great of a job you both did in raising your boys and in being such a wonderful influence on them and us (your grandkids). I know I wrote about my memories living with you for your 50th anniversary - but I truly value that time and feel fortunate to have been able to stay a summer there - and lots of previous times when I was younger and more recently during our brief visits after going to college. I love the fact that you drove me to Rochester for my sophomore year (your cantaloupe was responsible for my best friend, Josh, to meet his wife!) and came up again for my final graduation! And your help for me to go to Israel, all greatly appreciated! Sorry if I'm sounding sentimental, but I was just so amazed at how fast time has gone by (reflecting on your birthday, Grandma), and how important you & my parents have been along the way. This is clearly something I'd rather share with you in person this past weekend, but wanted to let you know either way. So, again, Thank You!
”
That night she started to cry as I gave her a hug goodbye. She said “don’t forget me” and we both were in tears... Oh Grandma, how can I ever forget you? You’re one-fourth of me and will live on through me (and others!). You’ve been the foundation for the Michaud family and I can’t imagine it without you. I miss you so, but glad you’re at peace after such a wonderful, full and challenging life.
Your proud and ever-loving grandson
I awoke at 6am to nature's call, went back to bed and couldn't fall back asleep. Lots of items in my mind, couldn't fully relax. I heard sounds from my house - whether from the furnace, cats prepping themselves for a surprise early wake-up from Kaleb, or the house creaking from thoughts of winter being over. Later I was startled by the sounds again and the thought of it being Grandma's spirit coming by kept my imagination going. I imagined her being there and felt at peace though I didn't believe she was dead as I was going to see her later that day after work. I had made plans to go the next day, but after warnings from my uncle, I was going to leave right after the conference ended at 3:30pm. After dwelling on thoughts of her impending funeral, being with my family, and grandpa, I faded a bit for a while and then awoke for my 7am alarm.
I made it to the conference on time with my head somewhat cloudy but I was excited about gaining skills to improve my writing (or lack of it). After an hour or so I noticed a couple messages on my phone from my mother. I had no signal in the classroom, but I did have Internet access. A few minutes later I got the email from my mother stating that Grandma died in her sleep this morning. I won't be visiting her after work today after all...
I have only begun to grieve for Grandma Michaud. She was always Grandma to me, but Mom, Dorothy and Dot to others. Very strong-willed, outspoken, yet kind, loving and fun. I last saw her 2 weeks ago as I went a week after her birthday to check in with her. She was very tired. She fell asleep at the dining table twice while I was there. Her face had mostly healed from the large “raccoon” bruise from the holidays, but everything was clearly much more difficult to do.
I had sent a long email to her that she had never received and ended up covering the main parts of it with her in person. I first asked how her 5 boys came out so similar and so different. She paused and just shrugged; then she said “I just let them do what they wanted to do”, referring to their life choices after high school, I inferred. Then I thanked her for doing and being so much in my life. As I wrote in my email:
“The other thing I was thinking about was how great of a job you both did in raising your boys and in being such a wonderful influence on them and us (your grandkids). I know I wrote about my memories living with you for your 50th anniversary - but I truly value that time and feel fortunate to have been able to stay a summer there - and lots of previous times when I was younger and more recently during our brief visits after going to college. I love the fact that you drove me to Rochester for my sophomore year (your cantaloupe was responsible for my best friend, Josh, to meet his wife!) and came up again for my final graduation! And your help for me to go to Israel, all greatly appreciated! Sorry if I'm sounding sentimental, but I was just so amazed at how fast time has gone by (reflecting on your birthday, Grandma), and how important you & my parents have been along the way. This is clearly something I'd rather share with you in person this past weekend, but wanted to let you know either way. So, again, Thank You!
”
That night she started to cry as I gave her a hug goodbye. She said “don’t forget me” and we both were in tears... Oh Grandma, how can I ever forget you? You’re one-fourth of me and will live on through me (and others!). You’ve been the foundation for the Michaud family and I can’t imagine it without you. I miss you so, but glad you’re at peace after such a wonderful, full and challenging life.
Your proud and ever-loving grandson
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